Nineteen things that could happen to you in this NCAA Baseketball Tournaments

19- You will be stuck in traffic, go to "another" sports bar and find the three patrons refusing to let go of there NASCAR on the one TV…

18- The bartender will whisper to the patron, "I checked out ESPN and there is no basketball anyway, it's some bowling tournament"…

17- The owner of the bar will come over and apologize and say, hey, our customers wants NASCAR, and there are three of them…

16- You tell the owner, that the other bars showing the Tourney is packed, and perhaps, he'd have more customers with the tourney, the owner seems to understand, you have just saved his bar, but…

15- Promo for Dukes of Hazard blares out as NASCAR is ending and the owner winks at the patrons and whispers "Isn't that the one with Daisy...and that rip...yes that rip, that gets wider"...the froth is coming from the mouth, not from the beer…

14- You head off to the other sports bar and arrive there as two minutes remains and your team holding a five point lead, and you have the perfect location, a good two inch of separation with the others, less than five squirts of saliva and beers per minute coming your way, it is heaven, and the damn stinking smell doesn’t bother you as you have found the one of the two empty seat in the whole place. You note that the stink is coming from a sock on the other empty chair next to you.

13- As you bend your elbow to let the jacket push it down, you notice two 400 lbs make their way toward the chair, you notice one is a girl though the guy has the bigger breast, "sorry there, we were holding those chairs”, the guy says as he fingers the sock, damn, you say to yourself, but you are feeling too comfortable and reposition yourself to mention that nothing was saving the chair you were sitting on, but as you are about to make this rather inescapable winning point, you notice a crunch due to 800 lbs of blubber squeezing out the two inch you had. Yes, you realize that there is something crunched now, thanks to gravity and your butt, and this also explains how the hefty girl was saving her seat, and with her sqinting, you correctly guess that the crunched object is probably her eye glasses.

12- You do a quick apology and get up to make a quick getaway to the far corner that has a TV and enough space for you to squeeze in, but not before slyly pulling off a surprisingly effective sleigh of thigh, leg and foot as you pick up and sweep up the broken glasses while sliding them to the floor via your thigh, leg and finally your feet and getting the perfect break of cheers as your team hits a three pointer, giving your team a eight point lead and drowning the clunk of the glasses hitting the floor as the hefty lady caresses the chair seat for her glasses, though you realize that this visual of the hefty lady will stay with you for awhile with her butt replacing the two hot ladies you had hidden there in your pleasure compartement for your no wifey times. The red haired one, the one, due to it's inception, who's already had most of her face replaced..the nose just replaced from that lady with that perfect nose from a week ago will surely disappear now, replaced by these fat stumpy caressing hands, though the red haired one had given enough, it was time for her to make an exit, and didn't she continue to make her appearances even when my wifey was alongside me, you rationalize to yourself...

11- Sigh of relieve comes your way, as you hear the guy exclaim with shrugging shoulders "well honey, are you sure you left it here, it must have fallen on the floor, we'll look for it".
There's a minute twenty two second left, your team has a eight point lead, you figure it'll take these hefty couple at least a minute to just crouch down for the glasses and then a minute to locate you since only one of them can't see and then a good two minutes to make it your way, and with the guy carrying his socks under his belt, you should be able to just smell them approaching, you feel safe and you will no longer be in last place anymore...this was a huge upset, everyone else had the other team, half of them had the other team wining it all and you are now ahead of your wife's pick...

10- You note that the corner has even more clearance, a bit worried that this clearance will enable the hefty couple to locate you faster, but things are working out OK, as the hefty guy's attempt to find the glasses yields a bigger rip than Daisy could have had on a TV show. A bit of blush from the hefty guys and those big socks are now attached to the back of the belt buckle blocking the rip a bit, the unappealing mushy corn vision of how he must be scrunching his ass to prevent the air from drifting the rip causes a bit of discomfort and a bit of pleasure as they will have to wait for clearance now, the guy can't afford the soggy mooning with the crowd there, and the girl can't see…

9- You are temporarily blocked from any of the TVs as you make your way, a bit of mental calculation of alcohol to weight ratio is a bit unsettling, as you figure that the hefty couples could be quite sober even if they consumed all the beer in the bar. You hear waves of noises...note that it's not the hefty couple making their way, just a singular noise. Is there a fight? Did the hefty guy try to bend and expose himself or worse have his flailing butt caress someone? But, no, that would be a different reaction, sure to have a La/Tea high pitch at the end. Curious you look back toward the hefty couple and notice a fallen guy making the noise, a deep flat pitch emits from the fallen guy. Comforted with the situation, you look ahead to your designated corner, and notice that the guys in the destinated corner looks familiar…

8- It's the guys from the other bar, "hey, the owner took your advice and put the TV to the damn basketball game", one of them says, the other interjects with "whoeey, look at Daisy, what an ass", you wonder if these guys have ever seen anything above a PG-13 movie as you note that there are barer ass (though most are guys) in the bar than what is exposed on that TV show, another wave comes through and you just notice the final score: your team 79, the other team 78 as a last second basket swooshes through the hoop.

7- You are now in middle of the pack, you could still win the pool, no last place for you, that girl from France, who just played head and tail in picking the games, is in last place as she should be, she could have at least looked at the seeding. Your team has won, it didn't matter that you missed the last few seconds, as long as your team won, it's a great day.

6- The exhilaration of win, you are a winner in a world of losers, you work your brain for consolidating words for your office mates, as you notice the hefty couple inches from you, the win must have zapped your olfactory system there, as you strongly note the sock smell now...this is perfect, now I'm going to get a beating you say to yourself, but perhaps the win is worth the pounding I'm going to receive. You note it's not, hell you finished last, last year too, and most have forgotten about it, except for your wife, and though you are convinced that your last place finish is not the reason you didn’t get the promotion, “You, just need to factor all the variables a bit better, don't worry it'll come with time" in your yearly review, still makes you doubt it a bit. But, even another year of no promotion is still better than your nose resembling a two dimensional yield sign.

5- A little instinctive fear creeps in, as safety with crowds seems to be less prevalent as the crowds seems to have dwindled to zero within seconds and even all the crowd didn't help that poor guy on the floor and you are sticking out like your nose, and no one to help you keep the nose in it’s three dimensional state. You look back to your previous location, and notice the fallen guys, still on the floor, clutching his stomach and though his nose is still three dimensional, it looks more like one of those 30-60-90 degree triangle and your mind whizzes "square root of three for the 2nd longest line", as you notice the guys pointing toward you, while holding his stomach.

4- Now, the focus shifts to the big guy, not the hefty guy, as you notice that the guys arm is bigger than your thigh, and he looks more like a weight lifter with stomach than a couch/beer induced stomach fat guy and before you can think,, you note your path is blocked by the squinting girl that is going to replace your red haired beauty. You hardly notice as the big guys says, "Hey", sorry, for that seat situation, can I buy you a beer", as you try to comprehend what the big guys said and it’s implication, knowing that these information are hardly ever analyzed per the actual implications, if they seem to favor you, you hear another faint moaning from the fallen guy "that's the damn guy who broke your glasses", you quickly get into your survival instinct as you realize you got a chance here, "oh, one more beer, and I'll be drunk, thanks".
You are a blur as you gain 40 feet in seconds but as you start off toward your car you are hit with a bit of courage you werent' sure you had and you force yourself to have one more look and muster “thanks for asking, but take it easy with desserts you guys”.

3- Surprised by your last parts of the comment and the associated condescending grin, you look down, turn around and continue the escape, give a bit of "didn't mean it that way" wave and start the find your car key, and position the finger to car door button activity. Though you do end up pushing the trunk button instead, you are safe, no one in sight, you reverse your car, nothing blocking your way; you have escaped as you are safely on the highway. You made it, escaped the beating that that the poor guys took as you visualize the poor guys moaning with waves of uncontrable laughter.

2- You are bad, getting gratification from one’s misfortune, but you note that the poor guys was rooting for the other team and you're sure he had an attitude problem, and even worse, he definetly had the alpha male demeanor, you sensed it, and hey, if a misfortune should happen, it’s always better with one of those alpha types.
The great escape and the win has you on a high, “How’s your Kansas team doing, and I need to factor information better", you say to yourself, while visualizing your boss with the: "boy, am I an IDDIOTT for misreading your brilliance" stupid smile, as you retort, "You have to look at the coaching too, did you factor his touney record".

1- "SAT, ESPN" and you get the voice command to finally work. The radio blurts out "What a game, have you ever seen anything like it before?” Yes, you say to yourself, that was some game, what a win, what an upset but a bit of “no, it can’t be” creeps in and you remember the Titans game, as your Bills kicked off, and hoping for a forward lateral call that never came, the kick that that stayed to the right against the Giants, as you continue to listen, “it looked like a prayer motion, but the official called it a timeout request, and since Villanova was out of timeouts, it resulted in a technical and that delay enabled the official to look at the TV and call the basket a three pointer and thus, the final score, Kansas eighty, Villanova seventy nine, and the Jayhawks moves on to the elite eight, what a crushing loss for Villanova". You say to yourself, finally, even God played a trick on me.